Journey across the channel

location: Home

mood: artistic

music: Even God Must Get The Blues - JoDee Messina

I’m a very lapsed Catholic which means we have differences of understanding.  I’m feeling not at odds with family but there are difficulties so maybe I will participate in my own way to honor my Grams which I do a couple of times a year.  She was such a good Irish Catholic with pagan tendencies. I try and make Church on Good Friday as well as Easter and Christmas each year.  Being raised Catholic, fish sticks, tuna sandwiches and salmon are regular Friday meals even if the Pope says you don’t have too. 

I’m not into giving things up right now, at my age you can run out of things to deny yourself or you don’t want to use it as a way to beat yourself up or both. 

I’m looking at it as 40 days of taking care of myself, body, mind and spirit.  I’m not totally sure what it will all mean but I do know recommitting to healthy eating, proper rest, exercise and hoping to lower the stress levels with some meditation are in the future for a 40 day experiment. 

So what I have figured out is: There will be long dog walks and dog loving sessions, lots of swimming and I’m going to join the team for the 40 days.  There will be gentle stretching until I can venture out into my other cross training activities such as weights, running and Aikido.  I also want to add in rock climbing, I’ve done it before and it has been good for all areas I’m trying to reach, body, mind and spirit.  Getting more serious about training and swimming is taking care of myself as long as I have fun doing it. 

I’ve been missing my creative outlets so there is some art or at least crocheting in the next 40 days.  I want to finish my Mother’s afghan and start my Dad’s blanket.   I haven’t crocheted since I moved but I was really enjoying it even if I’m not good at it.  There is also a shop that has a drop-in crochet and knitting group, that may help my ‘socialization’ or lack thereof that I’m concerned about.  There are also weekend art classes that I may take one or two of.  I would like to find a place to ‘throw clay’ also, it is fully satisfying when it hits the table with a resounding smack.  I’m not going to be able to do all of this but I would like to do some of it and have a plan on next steps at the end of 40 days. 

I have some new cookbooks on Vegan cooking and want to replace a couple of meals a week with vegan entrees and more that are vegetarian to go with my fish on Fridays.  So I love to cook combining the two works very well.   

It will be a interesting experiment even knowing that things can change in a minute.....

location: Home

mood: calm

music: Let that Pony Run - Pam Tillis

As a concept it is great but putting it into practice, not so much.   It meant another weekend of working out in a pool and skipping the meets.  I got the girls groomed on Saturday and swam while they were being ‘beautified.’  Even though I broke up the drive to and from the groomers to 45 minutes each leg, a total of 3 hours in the car took its toll on my back.  Swam to ease it on Saturday and made sure ice was my best friend.  The beautiful clean dogs were worth it. 

Today I spent time watching a world Judo tournament on Ippon.tv.  It helped me not get upset at the hospital when they dicked me around for 10 hours while I was trying to check on my Dad.  But I wanted to be on the mat so badly.  So while I enjoyed it, it was a perverse activity on one level.   

The pool was set up for 50 Meters, so 2 less turns open turns per 100 and ‘I love meters!’  Need I say more? 

It was a good workout with quick times for steady 100s with open turns and ‘no kicking’ (being good again…).  Times were about 1:15 each 100 on a 1:30 base with open turns, these were not supposed to be fast 100s but they turned out not to be slow. 

Also as an added benefit, there was an Adult Synchronized Swimming work out tonight.  It was great seeing these ladies around my age working on the moves.   They were trying so hard and their very young coach was encouraging and gentle.  It made my heart burst a little.  I love these little surprises that life has when you open your eyes to them.

So the concept of ‘being good’ is hard but I’m taking it day by day, and icing session by icing session…  It is working as I work on that elusive concept of ‘patience.’

So off to ice the back again..... and sleep. Night all.

Music for this post http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vth4pHYHGwM

location: Home

mood: cold

music: Gravity - Allison Krauss & Union Station

So I’m in the second week of recovering from a lower back injury.  You would think it would just chill after a few days but it has been ‘slow’ OK replace that with ‘Laura needs to look up patience in the dictionary.’  Actually though I feel it has been slow, it has been a steady decrease in pain and increase in movement and flexibility.  While I’m not going to be running any miles in the next few weeks, I have been able to increase the amount of stretching and dry land exercises as well as add backstroke and one-arm fly to the pool workouts.  I’m not really ready to put flip turns or regular fly in the regime quite yet and here is why. 

It did get me thinking about how long has it been since I was pain-free… 

For that answer I had to go back to before my first injury in 2006; also to when I injured my back the first time in 2007; before the Achilles injury that helped me put on a ton of weight which didn’t help my back either; to before I started my quasi-nomadic lifestyle of the last few years.... 

I realized that ‘normal’ for me has become being in pain about 25% of the time with spurts of extreme pain 100% of the time.  The 'normal' pain is about the size of a golf ball in my back, not the softball that resides when my back flares up like last week, but maybe that is not acceptable any more.  It was an interesting discovery to find I had taken this pain for granted.  Maybe it is time to see what are options open? 

So I had a talk with the Chiropractor and asked him if we could decrease the percentage of time I hurt and the number of the pain I feel?  The results are with the weight loss I have accomplished and the swimming, yoga, pilates, weights and dryland, we can decrease it at least to low single digits and into low numbers when it does act up, think 1-2 not 8.5 

As an athlete and especially with the last few years of injury after injury I had started to believe that this type of pain was normal.  A light went on, injury pain is not normal.  OK, everyone can say it ‘DUH.’  Yes sore muscles, tired muscles, draggin' rear, etc… that is all normal but injury pain is not.  I would never let another athlete believe it was so why am I willing to ‘buy the bridge’ myself?  I’m not.  So I’m not only on a quest to train while recovering but to also change this nasty little piece of what feels normal. 

I want to train hard but injury pain free.

location: Home

mood: depressed

music: Breathe In, Breathe Out - Carrie Newcomer

I haven’t always had the greatest relationship with my Dad.  For many years it felt like it was based more on competition than anything else.  When I started to run in Junior High, he started to train… I would love to be able to write that my Dad has seen me swim in the last 20 years but that hasn’t happened nor will it at this point in time.  He hasn’t been to a race or swim be it local, national or abroad.  I have never figured out why. 

But there are little memories that make my Dad, my Dad.  These are the ones I cherish.   I was hospitalized at age 10 for pulling my muscles in my stomach during a race and he would bring me boysenberry shakes.  Dad and I both love our berries with strawberry ice cream (with real strawberries) being a favorite of both of us.  When I had my thyroid removed at 15 my Dad again brought boysenberry shakes.  When the doctor asked me if I wanted to be discharged early, it was my Dad that was there and took me home.  It felt like we were sneaking into a movie or something.  We share a love of science fiction books and martial arts movies. When I moved from swimming to competing in Judo, my Dad took me to a few tournaments.  I think because it was different but it was cool.

After I went back to swimming and after every long swim, it was my Dad I called first, from Tampa to Loch Lomond, from Tampa to Manhattan, from Lake Tahoe to the Channel.   I always call my Dad because he asks me to so he knows I lived.  I don’t know what who I will call now and in the future and that is a pain beyond my ability to vocalize it. 

Speaking of talking with my Dad, it was my Dad that had the talk with me before I left for England and the Channel.  He called me into his room and sat me down.  His words were:

 “Laura, you will make it or you won’t but make sure you leave everything you have in the water.  Come back knowing that you gave it your all France or bust. I'm proud of you but give it your all” 

That was the only time I remember him saying he was proud of me even though I had felt it before and I hadn’t even swam yet.  He gave me the knowledge at that time that even if I failed, he would still love me.  And after the Channel, it was my Dad I called on the boat…..    

I’m living each day knowing I’m a little closer to saying a final goodbye to my Dad and still I wonder who I’m going to call next time…..

location: home

mood: disappointed

music: Lady Antebellum - We Owned the Night

Just when I thought it was going to be smooth sailing because all injuries were behind me, it hits.  My lower back gets injured during a run with the dogs.  Sunday was just thankfulness that I wasn’t traveling this week and a desperate search for a Chiropractor because I knew it wasn’t good.  Monday wasn’t much better but I did find a Chiropractor who would see me on Tues. 

Now for the double whammy, my insurance which covers Chiropractor, really doesn’t because they won’t cover the X-rays, any therapy, and only 12 visits.  If you use those 12 visits during the time you are paying your annual deductible then you are out of luck.  Got to love the ways Insurance finds not to pay for much. 

But what does an MD give me over a Chiropractor, higher bills, pain pills and muscle relaxants which just mask the pain but not much else.  So I will pay for the Chiropractor because I feel that I will be back swimming full force sooner with a number of adjustments and it is the smart move for me.

Now for the biggest adjustment, my training will have to be modified for a while.  I can swim but he said ‘no kicking’ <insert snicker here>.  I’m a long distance swimmer, we barely move our legs.  But no weights, running, Aikido for a few weeks until we have some results.

So it is time to concentrate on ‘form over function’ and make sure the changes in my stroke are giving me the results I want which is no shoulder pain.  That my new stroke is strong, long and sustainable.  So swimming is in as long as I’m smart about it.  Short walks, etc. are in, as is stretching and ice.  So I can modify my training a little and use the time wisely, it will be smart training this February.

location: home

mood: quixotic

music: Gary Allan - Get Off On the Pain

Yesterday I went for a lunch time swim because the document I was writing wasn’t taking form.  It was part writer’s block' and part ‘I don’t want to do this.’  I did a quick 2 miles which may be the shortest swim I’ve had in about a month. 

I have been really working on body rotation to ease the shoulder strain.  The more I rotate the less chance that I catch my left shoulder on the recovery.  My issue isn’t with the pull but on the recovery part of the stroke. 

I was so good through the January Jam and then yesterday’s first lap, I reverted to my old stroke and found instant pain.  I think sometimes I just am so hard headed I have to try behaviors I know won’t work again just to make sure.  The painful stroke lasted less than a lap and I was back to what works for a quick two miles.

I hope I’m that fast backing out of other behaviors I’m trying to shed because we all know this isn’t just a pool thing.  I do believe for me, changing behaviors always means trying the old one that didn’t work but if I can stop quickly I can get back on the new track and out of the old rut.

And yes, I got back to that document and am making progress.

location: home

mood: anxious

music: America - Tin Man

These last few months have been really tough.  My Parents’ health is failing, my Dad had a stroke and my Mom is not coping well.  Dad is on his 4^th hospital admit in 5 months, this time for pneumonia. 

My brother has been amazing in taking care of things back there while I am working and trying to send some home to help at the same time I’m rebuilding my finances after a few really rocky years.  My sister has been great at making sure Dad gets his medicine at the right time and shuttling to and from the Doctor appointments that my Brother can’t make.

To all of this add a move, a newish job I’m working at loving and making real progress there, two demanding pups and their social lives as therapy dogs and doing most of it alone…. 

So what does this have to do with swimming because most things do in my little world.

I have been blessed to have the water, be it the ocean or the cement prison at the Y to help remove the stresses and feelings of guilt that arise, to fight against when I’m in that kind of a mood, to move it beneath and around me on good days.  It serves to stretch the muscles and lungs, to help the mind take a break and to ease the emotions. 

It is the one medium that I feel is solely mine much to the Pups discontent at times.  One pup would love to join me and the other would run for the hills.  But be it a hard workout, a short set of sprints or a long swim for pace and conditioning, stroke work, etc.. the water creates what I need to take a break from the ‘inevitable marching of time.’   

And to add to all of that in two years I will turn a half century, swimming well in times and distance for half my age is my goal.

location: not at home

mood: curious

music: Leonard Cohen - Darkness

For the last few years I have done the January Jam in honor of Mr. David Parcells which means I have logged many long hours in the pool in January but fizzled in February or just hit the ‘no go swim’ wall.  This year I have tried to balance it better with less mileage and taking days off during the month of January and some running to cross train. 

I still have some pretty impressive (to me) numbers but I have not been possessed by it.  This last week will go back to being a little crazy to finish off the month.

In February I plan on staying in the water but also picking back up with the cross training, weights and Aikido again.  A couple of those practices left me crawling around the house so it definitely got to muscles that are underutilized in my swimming and provided a massive core workout that I didn’t expect. 

It is funny how my body still remembers what to do when I fall but I feel so awkward about doing it or going in for a throw, etc.  It is my mind getting in the way of what my body knows.  So I figure it will get better as I relearn not to over think on the mat.

There are other benefits that Aikido brings to me.   I love the people I work out with, the sense of camaraderie is fun and I don’t take things so seriously.  There is also the structure and moments of serenity that come from bowing in to a practice, respecting the founder and taking time to breath.

So this year, February will bring about swimming and balanced training if all goes to plan...

location: not home

mood: cold

music: City of New Orleans - Arlo Guthrie

Last weekend I did what may be my last real swim in the ocean for the winter.  It was a very cold swim and even colder ambient air temperature.  My goal was two minutes past the water temp because I usually can last a time equal to the water temp when the temps dip to 42 and under, ie 40 degrees equals 40 minutes. 

It also came at a time much to my dismay as a lot of swimmers deciding to be ‘certified ice swimmers.’  I’m not exactly sure what you get for that but I’m pretty sure I am certifiable without anyone’s input.  I made the mistake of tweeting my excursion and it turned weird on another social networking site.  This latest ice swimming craze is very concerning to me.  I’m afraid much like many extreme things folks will attempt it without the appropriate training, acclimation and safety precautions. 

You can die from this, there is no two ways about it and you can do permanent damage to your fingers and toes from the cold among other issues. 

I did a search on ‘Ice Swimming’ and found a voice of reason with a pedigree to match her concerns quoted in the following article:

http://www.alaskadispatch.com/article/flotilla-ice-swimmers-planning-bering-strait-crossing

As to why do I swim?  I like the camaraderie I find with other swimmers but beyond that it is a purely selfish thing I do.  I do it to feel good, to stay healthy and strong, to challenge myself and to stretch my limits.  Along with the feeling good means other people find me more tolerable than if I didn’t swim but by no means is it to please others.  It is as I say a selfish pastime.  I do like my accomplishments to be reported correctly but other than that I swim for me. 

I enjoy the feel of the water, the wonder that comes from sharing these bodies of water with other more aquatically developed beings, the struggle to find the right balances of speed and endurance, the long hours of solitude while training interspersed with the times I train with other swimmers.  I like the challenge of working to the completion of a goal and the lessons I learn from failing to achieve that goal when it happens. 

Do I quit?  No, it just makes me that much more determined to reach the final goal.  In other words I love the journey and the planning for the next one.  It is only when I swim for someone else or their approval that swimming loses it mystic and magic